Wednesday, 30 November 2011

My Snarky Comments on a Bad Story

Hello all! This is Rinrei speaking! This is my first time on this blog so I just felt like introducing myself! I will probably be reviewing stories and Anime (with permission from Professor Pisces of course). If anyone feels like giving me something to review then don't hesitate to leave a comment. I have a blog somewhere with my previous bad reviews (minus the most recent). Here is one of my recent reviews to satisfy you all.


In this post I have been banned banned from talking about Anime (blame the almighty Professor Pisces), so I will start with this really bad (I've also been banned from swearing, which is really what I'm good at - the Professor's fault again) story I was forced to read in order to continue the good part of the ACTUAL story (yes, the story I was reading started with an extract from another story. Confused yet?). So, without further ado, let's start with this blast from somewhere I'm not allowed to mention. The beginning of Future Talk and the extract of some story I can't be bothered naming. Future Talk itself is great but the beginning... Well, let's review it ourselves and see how long you last without my comments.


I love you." She whispered, violet orbs filing with tears. "But... I don't know if you love me. You abandoned me for Yukina. I know she's you're sister, but..."(Oh my goodness! Here comes the greedy pig.)
Hiei swept the emotionally fragille, physically mighty, longhaired beauty into his arms(Is all of that really necessary?). "You are the only one for me!"(Fangirls around the world are screaming.) he exclaimed, crimson hues bright with love (Sorry, love, that doesn't happen). "Yukina means nothing to me compared to you!"(*Loads gun* Let's kill this author!)
She sniffed against his strong manly shoulder (I hear the fangirls coming). "Even though I'm halfdemon halfhuman with a vampire for a grandmother?" (Oh my goodness, my ears are bleeding!) She asked tearrfully. (Spelling error.)
"Yes." He sollemnly intoned, wiping her bangs (deep raven black with blood red highlights) out of her bright blue and purple and green rainstorm-colored eyes (Again, is it really necessary? This is the final chapter, we've probably already heard this twenty six times). "I would give up my life for you. You are beautifull (At this point a lot was edited out for some reason. He says something to do with being a knight in shining armour. Sorry. By the way, spelling error.)
"Oh, yes." She cried, and with a giggle she added "Not that I need protecting (No). I'm the ruler of the demon world! (No) That tournament was a cinch, and you're my king!"(No.)
And with a smile Hiei kissed her because he had never met anyone as perfect as Amora before and it goes without saying that they lived happily ever after.
The End.
(No. No. No. No. No! No! NO! NO! NO! No! No. No. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I'm throwing my noes at this! No!)


This was actually so bad that no amount of coffee or boxing could actually solve my shock. It is times like this that I look at myself in the mirror and begin to cry. I'm amazed that come people event write like this anymore (I suppose Twilight was involved somehow); I thought that we would be mature enough to write good characters with their flaws and talents and STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW PRETTY THEY ARE!! No one gets the bad boy straight away and the bad boy (that's better than saying his name) is not sweet and gentle! He's not romantic and he's definitely not Edward Cullen!!! Don't make the pansy girl with the horrid hair that looks like a bad dye job and the rainbow eyes of death the ruler of the demon world!! DON'T MAKE THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE STORY A JOKE IN THE END AND EXPECT THE CHARACTERS NOT TO CARE! She should have been threatened and killed for that. The author of this even decided that the main dude (otherwise known as bad boy) didn't give a damn about his own sister, who he had been looking for his entire life. That is just disgusting. Is it suddenly that the character was only created to be a romantic partner for our Mary-Sue over here? Sorry but this is never going to work out as a story. Keep the characters in character. I don't know who actually wrote this but once I find them I'm going to give them a reason to live in fear. They will never be able to go near their computer again without soiling their pants and squealing back into their corner.

What are your thoughts on the story? Let me know!!!

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