The other day, I was trying to get my iPod Touch to connect to my Chronos iDock when it basically broke. I connected my iPod to the docking station and switched it on. I put it on the correct setting and waited for it to start playing my music. And waited. And waited some more. And a little bit more.
After five minutes of patiently sitting reading a book, I noticed that the docking station had still not managed to connect with the iPod. By now I was a little bit miffed, so looked at the screen. In well spaced-out digital lettering, it told me that it was 'Connecting...'
Too right, I thought to myself. What do you think I've been waiing for you to do for the past five minutes?
I removed the iPod, placed it back on the iDock, and sat down again, waiting for it to connect. This time though, I stared at it intently. Now, in my world, if you stare at something for long enough then it will either do what you want it to or shuffle away to hide in some dark inaccesible corner at the bottom of the Mariana Trench when you eventually take your eyes off it, much like Leprechauns. (Admittedly, the latter of these two things does not happen very often, but you get the picture.) However, to my surprise and dismay, neither of these two things happened. I raised an eyebrow. This, I thought, is a challenge. And what do I never do when challenged by an inanimate object? Back down.
So I did what everyone who has a problem with technology is supposed to do. I looked in the manual.
Ten minutes later and, surprise surprise, I was none the wiser. Neither the manual for the iDock nor the instructions for the iPod gleaned any useful information. Except for one thing: a web address, hastily placed by some product designer on the bottom of the iDock's box.
Following this promising clue, I wound up in another chair, but this time sitting in front of a computer monitor. I brought up the internet and proceeded to the Apple website. That was when I made a mistake.
I entered the FAQ section.
For those of you who don't keep up with acronyms, FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions. It is supposed to be a quick way to get some easy answers to common questions, but after scrolling through them for half an hour, I had an epiphany.
NOBODY EVER ASKS ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.
It's true though, isn't it? Very few people that I know of actually find the FAQ sections of websites useful. Most of the time they're filled up with stupid questions like 'How can I replace the batteries in my torch?', or 'How do I hammer a nail into a wall without either a) smashing my thumb Homer Simpson style or b) destroying the wall?'. Most of these kinds of question are either glaringly obvious (ie Remove thumb from nail before hitting with hammer) or could be found on the first page of the instruction manual. I find myself being constantly frustrated by the frequency with which such questions as 'How do I turn on my TV?' occur. Nobody who reads past the first page of an instruction manual really needs to ask around half the questions that can be found in FAQ sections.
I'm not sure. Is it just me who feels this way? Or is there a huge community of people out there who feel the same way? (Hah! I can see it now: Tired of FAQ sections not containing questions you want answered? Set up your tents and ready your egg-throwing arm! Protest against badly written FAQ sections TODAY!)
It's the same with troubleshooting guides. Most of the answers given are the ones you would have thought of immediately, unless you happen to be one of those people who do forget to turn their TV on before viewing the latest episode of The Simpsons.
Seriously though folks, who actually doesn't check that their TV is on before consulting the troubleshooting guide? It's certainly more difficult to find the troubleshooting guide, open it to the right page, consult it and fix the problem than just right off checking that the little light underneath the screen is either red or green. The same goes for iPod and iDock guides. They are infuriatingly patronising. If I have to read the words 'Check that Chronos iDock Version 2.5.0.4 (Trademark) (Copyright) is switched on' or 'Check that Chronos iDock Version 2.5.0.4 (Trademark) (Copyright) is correctly connected to a funstioning power socket' again, I will stare at the manual until it either gives me the information I want or it spontaneously combusts. Am I the only one to feel this way?
In the end, I didn't actually need the troubleshooting guides or the FAQs. I simply worked it out myself. I switched off the iPod completely and then rebooted it. Then it worked.
But this story is unimportant. The point is, neither the troubleshooting guides nor the FAQs helped in any way, shape or form, apart from telling me exactly what wasn't wrong with either of the two devices.
Maybe FAQs should just give up. Maybe they shouldn't even attempt to look like they're trying to help people, because let's face it: It annoys a far greater number of people than it removes annoyance for, if you catch my drift. Maybe they could answer questions that we might actually like to know the answers to AND learn something from, such as: "What's the capital of Ecuador?" (The answer is Quito, or 'E', if you want to be like that.) At least we'd come away a little more knowledgeable than when we'd arrived.
But what do you think? I've posted a poll up by the right-hand side. Take part, and tell the Kettle what you think!
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