It's is my duty to alert you to the fact that we have a NEW CONTRIBUTOR, The Human Beetroot. Actually, his name is Matt, and he is here to stay. For how long I can't say, but he's here for now and that's what matters.
A good friend of mine, Matt will give you fantasticly strange posts that will delve into the very hearts of matters that will actually never face our society. Ever. I know, because I have a time machine. Want proof? Go and ask the scientists over at CERN.
Anyhow, it is my pleasure to introduce Matt, otherwise known as The Really, Really Strange One! Below is his introductory statement. Read it if you dare... and don't say I didn't warn you.
Message begins. All text beyond this point is property of Matt, but not Matt alone.
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Eskimau.Now that I have that out of the way, I would like to introduce you to me. Because you aren't meant to start sentences with because. But, I am above grammar. I don't even need to use full stops. However, as I am a nice person, I shall respect the needs of you lowly grammaskis.
Now, if you know me, you'll know that I like to knit picnic hampers. If you don't... then you're missing out and should probably kill yourself.
I was lying. Not about everything, I meant about killing yourself. Please don't. If you've already gone and done it then, well, there isn't much I can do about that except laugh.
Now then, with all the introductory garbage out of the way, I can finally get on to the best bit. Me leaving.
I don't mean it as if I am a bad person and you should rejoice, I mean that I don't like prolonged contact with peasants. Which is a class that happens to include you.
Goodbye.
* * *
Message ends. And there you have it folks! It's the beginning of a very strange time at the Kettle. (I did warn you... we don't call him 'The Really, Really Strange One' for nothing...)Ladys and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, I give you... Matt!
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