Hello Peasants.

Hello, dear peasants. I decided that I would start the day by knitting a commemorative picnic hamper. I like to knit picnic hampers.
   Today I thought that humans could take over the earth since we have legs, which gives us an advantage over most marine animals. However, I realised that dolphins have already probably developed giant mechs of doom.
   Perhaps it would be best to start on a good note. Fortunately for me, peasants are fairly unintelligent and I can probably get away with posting any drivel my mind squirts out.
   By the way, my mind does actually squirt. I have a pump on the side of my head that leaks various houshold appliances. Usually toasters. That's how I make a living; I sell toasters.
   Sometimes I feel as if I may be insulting some of the more disgusting peasants, but then I remember, I am better than you. It doesn't matter what I say to you, so long as it is directed at YOU. So I can insult you whenever I like.
   You suck.
   Now that we have that out of the way, I decided that I should rename you all to George, so that I can address you without being overly specific. This way I can insult the maximum amount of peasants AND make the largest amount of people happy. Utilitarianism. I care for everyones needs.
   As you peasants already probably know, large purple root vegetables don't exist. Don't tell anyone about the beetroot.
   Finally, as I dislike you all so much, I shall leave you. Not forever. I'm not that mean. Peasants.
   Goodbye.
   P.S. I actually am that mean. Which is why my leave isn't permanent. Buhahaha. Heheh. Heh...