A Note on Canine Intelligence

For my first true post on Kettle of Fish, I've decided to tell you exactly why dogs are not in charge of the world.

It comes down to this: Philosophy.

I know, I know, everything comes down to philosophy eventually. Dogs are no exception. We philosophise about nearly everything - how we wake up in the moring, what we eat, what we do for a living, etc, etc, etc. Dogs are almsot exactly the same. They, too, philosophise and let it govern their lives.

Or at least, they would if they had the right sort of brain. It is a well-known fact among dog owners that dogs are in fact very intelligent, unless you happen to own a certain Dalmation who runs into glass doors a little too often. If they set their minds to it, they could crush us beneath their paws with superior numbers, strength and those big, wide eyes that make it difficult to ever even think about harming one. The thing is though that their instincts won't allow them to complete a thought process. Allow me to explain.

Humans have long lived by the philosophy 'I think, therefore I am'. This is one of the best ways of proving to yourself that you do in fact exist. Our canine friends have long almost been in reach of achieving the same philosophy. The only thing stopping them are small, furry mammals.

Human thought process: 'I think, therefore I am'.

Dog thought process: 'I think, therefore MUST CHASE RABBIT!'

In conclusion, I can safely say that the only way our doggy friends will ever rule the world is if either a) all small, furry mammals instantly die of heart failure or b) dogs find a way to override their instincts. Either that, or they grow opposable thumbs. But that's a story for another day.

Remember, humans: As long as small furry mammals survive, so do we! So please folks, respect the guinea pigs!

That is all.