Bah.
Okay, it was good to get that out of my system. Now I shall move on to more pressing issues.
You know how yesterday I was talking about sleep-ins? I've finally found a way to stop the sleeping-past-noon.
The past couple of weeks, I've been sleeping far too much. I've been drifting off at midnight and waking up at noon. I've noticed a certain pattern to the cycle. Every night, I go to sleep later because I feel less tired due to the lengthy sleep-in that I had that day, then wake up even later than the day before. So the cycle continues. Due to the end of the holidays beginning to loom, I decided that I needed to snap myself out of this process that's turning me nocturnal. (I know I swapped tenses in the middle of the sentence. That was intended. Editor, you're supposed to be on holiday. You have no life.) Professor as I am, I devised a simple but predictably effective plan to bring me to my senses - at least, bring me to my senses earlier than noon.
I'm really not sure this idea was my best ever.
The general idea was that, seeing as I wasn't doing enough to make myself tired and was sleeping so much to avoid tiredness with a vengeance, I would rid myself of sleep for twenty four hours in an effort to purge myself of the habit. In my journal (yes, I do actually write these things down somewhere - Matt, get no ideas), I duly noted that the predicted side effects of this 'treatment' would be headaches, general ill behavior towards other living creatures and, of course, persisting debilitating tiredness for as long as the experiment was continued for. The predicted outcome was that, after the treatment had been exacted - oh dear, this sounds like an evil torture, which it really isn't - and a recovery window of one to two days, sleeping patterns would resume a normal level.
Again, I'm really not sure this ranks as one of the greatest plans in the history of humanity.
The procedure was simple enough, at least as far as staying awake was concerned. It's really rather amazing what seven hours of playing Professor Layton can do for you. No, that was the easy bit. The side effects are rather bad though.
As I sit here now, I have a headache, drooping eyelids and a machete in my right hand. I was correct when I predicted a sore head, tiredness and possibly antisocial behavior. I am fighting to keep my eyelids open. The headache is making things interesting. The machete is there in case anyone tries to approach me displaying anything but the utmost caution and a flagon of coffee. I'm irritable and generally crabby. The thing is, I need to keep this up until the end of the evening at least for the experiment to stand much chance at working. Of course, the extreme tiredness could backfire and make me sleep in longer, and then I'd be back to square one. Considering I was at square five before the experiment began, that would not be helpful in the slightest. I've generally succeeded in predicting my own misery.
However, there is an old saying: Pain is obligatory. Misery is optional. I am here to tell you that in this case, whoever first quoted this saying was an idiot. They had obviously never deprived themselves of sleep for any length of time.
On a side note, I've managed to completely offset my balance to a point where everything seems slanted. Who knew that the Doctor Who Christmas Special seemed better when viewed at an angle of thirty seven and a half degrees? Not me. Not until today, at least.
I'm off to be crabby elsewhere and to try and cheer myself up with a spot of Terry Pratchett followed by Fawlty Towers and a cup of sugar. Yes, I did say sugar. I need energy. Sugar is energy. Ergo, I need sugar.
Happy New year, folks. See you later.
Oh, and a final note: Please, none of you ever actually try this. It's more trouble than it's worth. Trust me. I'm asleep.
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