Time Travel - What You Can And Cannot Do -

It's a very interesting thing, as a writer, to talk about time travel. It's a very broad subject. It's also full of cliches. Most people simply write about going forwards or backwards in time, changing time and creating paradoxes in the process. The fact is that most authors and columnists, etcetera, etcetera, don't actually think about the general rules of time.
   There are certain things to do with time travel that are assumed to be true among the general public and the theoretical scientific community, who I shall cunningly refer to as 'the boffins'. Here they are, laid out in full. (Not actually in full, you understand. That would take too long. This is really just a list that I took off the top of my head.)

1. Travelling forwards in time does not affect the present.
2. Back-tracking in time means you can change some stuff around. Basically, you can mess with history.
3. Paradoxes are created when the impossible happens, eg you kill your grandfather. Oops.

Now what if I were to tell you that I not only believe these ideas to be incorrect, but can back them up using thought experiments?
   Yes, you're thinking I'm mad. Truth is, I am. However, the mad and the crazy often have insights that others miss. (This is just one of those things.) However, I really do have a good idea of how these concepts should not, will not and cannot work. Over the next few weeks (if not less), I will attempt to explain to you exactly why these concepts are indeed incorrect, as well as laying out some more exotic ideas, in a series of posts labelled 'Time Travel'. Be on the lookout for them.
   I leave you briefly to tell you all that I shall be back very soon, if not before then. Puzzle over these ideas on your own: let them fill your time, your thoughts, your life. May they bleed through into those droll hours in the lecture hall at university or college. Let them permeate your dreams. Generally, get distracted. But a word of warning: don't think about time too hard. It'll give you a headache.
   Anyways, I'll be seeing you all soon in my next time travelling post, where I shall be discussing the Uncertainty Principle and Terry Pratchett's part in bringing it to my attention.

To The Editor from Pisces: You shouldn't read these posts. I wouldn't want you to think too hard. You'll hurt yourself.

From The Editor to Pisces: Ha ha. Hilarious, I'm sure.