Evening people. Billiam Harkin Hanselton III at your service. Although I shan't serve you in any way whatsoever, unless you're looking to read yet another pointless post.
So, have any of you ever owned a Nintendo game? Did it take up a large amount of your time? Have you ever wished that the content of the game was real? Well, we'll soon be seeing whether or not it's a good thing.
Super Mario Bros.
So, you've just returned from a hard day's work of plumbing for an anonymous citizen and you find out that the Princess has been taken captive by a big yellow creature with a spiked green shell and flaming red hair. The next thing you know, you're being attacked by mushrooms, turtles (both airborne and infantry), hermits that cover up their whole body with a red jacket and a white mask, etc. You don't know what to do because, believe it or not, you haven't had any prior experience of this sort of thing. So you grab the nearest thing to you; a flower. Suddenly, your body absorbs the flower and you have the ability to shoot fireballs from your hands, letting you destroy all the little creatures who threaten you.
Metroid
Now, you're done with that ordeal, on to the next one. After saving the Princess, you yourself have been taken away to a space station where you get a space suit thrown on you by an old man and you get kicked to an unknown planet to, quite simply, kill a giant brain that's held in a glass and, along the way, various creatures who inhabit the planet aimlessly. You don't wish to do this but you are told to and you're a good person.
Pokémon
Congratulations! You've destroyed the giant brain! Now you've been told to visit an old man. You go to see this old man and he gives you a small yellow mouse-like creature that has been crammed inside a capsule and tells you to go on a journey to collect more of these creatures. The old man gives you more of these capsules and sends you away. You get attacked by all these creatures, almost at once and you abandon your mouse in a ball and flee.
The Legend of Zelda
After running for a good amount of time, you realise you're back where you started and the Princess has been kidnapped again, but this time by someone else. A few years have passed since the first incident but you remember the basics. You look for a flower but they have all turned into fierce Venus Flytrap-like monsters that seem to have developed a taste for human flesh. Scared, you turn and run into an old cave where you find another old man. This man gives you a sword and tells you to save the Princess once more, and to add insult to injury, he forces you to wear a tight green uniform and white tights.
Fire Emblem
You have done it once more. The Princess now decides to follow you on your journey. You tell her that the journey ended when she was saved, but then an old man approaches you and tells you that an evil King has commenced war on the rest of the continent. So you, the Princess and your trusty sword are sent on a quest to defeat a whole army by yourself and whoever else you can find.
F-Zero
You die. But there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is, you had an extra life. The bad news is, you woke up 5 billion years in the future. An old man approaches and tells you to pursue your racing career. You do so, and invest in getting a machine so you can race in the F-Zero Grand Prix. You finally manage to make enough money to buy a machine and enter into the tournament.
Star Fox
You win the Grand Prix! But an old man approaches and tells you to use all your money and convert your machine into a spaceship; you happily do so and you decide to take it for a spin. You're in the beautiful emptiness of space, all calm and relaxed. Just then a giant floating monkey head appears and tries to eat you. You fire a bomb into his mouth and blow him to smithereens, but his brain is still there and it starts slamming itself into you. Your spaceship plummets back to your home planet.
Super Smash Bros.
You parachute from your doomed spaceship and land on the ground. You're in a place that you're unfamiliar with and you decide to investigate. You now find out that all the things you have gone through have become an abominable mixture of fighting and white tights. An old man approaches you and then you finally realise that it's the same old man you met the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that.
So, does life with Nintendo sound good to you? It sure does for me!
Have a nice day,
Bill
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