The Eternal Editor knows that when it comes to anything to do with violence, blood, war or irritation I never give in. Mainly because I like war. I'm not sure why, I just do. So, with that in mind, prepare for a cold, merciless war on the blog.
I start this war by stating that I am going to punch Botan so hard that she falls into Inuyasha, and everyone knows that is like mixing lava and dynamite into a blender (well, everyone that knows about this stuff). Now, I end this lovely little comment with my favourite quote: Any time, any place, I'm going to rip off your face.
EDIT: I've noticed that Pisces has a draft on why he hates fanfiction. He better hurry up and post it, as I hate a large majority of it too and I want to create a post on why I hate most of them as well, but not on this one since this is for the war between the Eternal Editor and I.
Right, this is how it's gonna roll.
Rinrei stands atop a hill. I come up behind her and push her off. She falls to her death and dies. Unfortunately, she's undead, so...
I get back up from the hill, proclaiming that it's just a flesh wound while blood is spurting out of my head. I toss the nearest child in The Eternal Editor's general direction while I go ahead and get a machine gun, shooting bullets in his general direction. I then leap into Professor Pisces' time machine and go back to dinosaur times despite the chances of paradoxes and the such. Seriously, I'm too stupid to care about stuff like that.
Being the infallible android that I am (well I'm the Terminator of Terminators), I emulate a sigh and think a binary code. Opening a temporal rip (Pisces cleared this one with me; yippee) I drop an atom bomb in dinosaur times. Guess what caused the extinction of the dinosaurs? Yup. Me.
Well, I'm not Eternal for no reason.
I, Rinrei, leap through the very same rift in time and appear right in front of The Eternal Editor with a baby Parasaurolophus (you see the reference there?) and proceed to attack him with it. This Parasaurolophus can breath fire, so I killed you with fire. Not Hiei. Just fire. Green fire, too. Not sure how that changes it, but it does!
Being the infallible android that I am, I emulate death and activate my anti-fire procedures. Basically, I start spurting water like mad.
Batting the parasaurolophus away (Reference? What reference?) with my mutant tyrannosaur, I smash Rinrei to a pulp. As it should be.
But you failed to realize that the Rinrei you smashed to a pulp was actually an afterimage, and that I leaped back through the time rift and tossed the nuclear bomb that I somehow managed to obtain in your general direction, sealing the rift before the aftershock or radiation hit me. (Parasaurolophus was what Matt was named as an animal. Basically, you just killed Matt.)
Being the infallible android that I am (are you sure you've got the hang of this?), I realise that you couldn't have done that because the atom bomb that I sent through blew up. Having cleared up this paradox, time reverts to its true path and - oh! - you're back where you started, with my mutant tyrannosaur smashing you to a pulp.
And so what if I killed Matt? Collateral damage!
In which you realise that I am already dead, so your beating me to a pulp results in nothing. And seriously, you think YOU can beat me to a pulp? Clearly you've never seen me in a bad mood.
The death of Matt results in one angry Professor Pisces, who comes hunting us down with an elephant gun. Let's team up to defeat the true evil before reverting back to our beloved war.
I, Pisces, am the Professor. You cannot kill me. And apparently I have an elephant gun, and just killed Matt. So I'm quite crazy with madness and glee, but then again, I was mad beforehand.
I aim the elephant gun (what is that anyway?) at you both at the same time, because I went and used that time travel tech that I gave The Editor to recruit my future self. Therefore you cannot kill me me, because that would create a paradox and that's IMPOSSIBLE. Way.
Now I shoot you both and you die, except Rinrei doesn't because she's undead and The Editor doesn't because he's eternal... We really can't win here, can we? At all.
I take Rinrei out with a wooden stake tipped with garlic (all in the shape of a cross) to the heart while she stares in surprise at the Professor. I can't say I blame her, as this is a rather unexpected turn of events.
Rinrei dies in pain and anguish. I turn to the Professor, but he appears to have disappeared.
Of course, considering that I'm not a vampire of any sort (I proved this by slamming a stake through the door with a note saying 'vampires have been warned'), this attack has little effect on me. I push down myself and look at my wound. It's just a flesh wound. I turn in the opposite direction and chase after one of the Pisces', determined to defy logic and exterminate the original.
...Despite the fact that they're both the original, just at different points in time. Duh. Haven't you read his posts? I have to. I edit them.
I use the laws of quantum theory to destroy the universe with me outside of it. The end.
I am no genius when it comes to science, nor do I ever intend to be, but destroy the universe with you outside of it? Have fun with that. Meanwhile, I sit in front of my computer typing up a lame response to your apparent mass-destruction in an alternative universe where you have not gone ahead and destroyed the world where we are having an online battle. After realising that you would probably try and do this at some point, I pack up all my gear and head to Pisces' house to interrogate him about your current location.
Unfortunately for you, the infinite alternate universe theory dictates that in another universe I've already killed dear Pixies (PISCES FOOL!), so that really doesn't work out for you. I randomly do an interdimensional bunny-hop and wind up in a universe where you were killed at birth by a frog with opposable thumbs. I succeed the Queen to the throne and live forever.
Please, I'm fabulous. I kill you with fire. Or Hiei. I don't care, there are many alternative universes and one of my alternative selves is a science genius and leaps into the very same universe you. I accuse you of being a fraud, and people discover that you are not the Queen's son, as earlier thought and they capture you. They torture you and interrogate you until you confess until you are executed. I return to my original universe, where the same bull frog that kill me in the alternative universe kills you. It shoots fire as well, you know. I have a cup of coffee and chuckle as the battle still continues... Editor? Where are you?
Well, I'm right here, of course. And you have no proof that I'm not a prince. You don't know me: Pisces does.
I ask you what 'Hiei' means and why you continue to think that it's somehow clever. The next move is yours.
(Also, genius? You? I no longer believe in the theory of infinite alternate universes. Plus, you can't be a 'science genius'. You can be a genius who's super-good at science, but not a 'science genius'. Genius is to do with IQ, not how good you are at something.)
Hiei is a fire demon. He likes burning stuff. Throw said fire demon at stuff and stuff burns. Simple. I say it because it's funny to imagine this demon being thrown at people.
I know I am not a genius, I came to that conclusion ages ago, but this is not about personal lives or whether you are a Prince or not. As far as I know, Pisces knows no princes. I would know, I threaten him on a daily basis and if there was a prince around, I would ultimately be dead. Don't diss my bad grammar, I'm just cutting time since I should be sleeping like a normal person. Who knows, I might actually be incredibly smart or talented when it comes to certain subjects.
Anyway, with my general attitude gone at last. I let you start with the first move.
EDIT: I think he's dead. Yep, definitely dead, unless he's given up. *Troll face*
I'd scream out: I WIN! But I'm sure that's exactly what the Editor is waiting for, so I'll say it quietly I win!
Aha! You've fallen into my trap. You cannot win: I am Eternal. It's in the name. Therefore, I leave you destitute and destroyed, sodden with defeat.
Pisces knows at least one prince. I am a prince. You have no proof that I am not a prince!
I transform you into a dish cloth and leave you to soak up your tears. I win.
Of course, Rinrei is in Soviet Russia and in Soviet Russia I win and you lose. Also, I am not a dish rag because otherwise I wouldn't be able to type this and I am typing right now and still surviving the painful death that is bound to occur while writing NaNoWriMo. And me? Cry? I split my knee open and laughed. I saw L die and said not a word. I am immune to pain. So there. Ha. Next!
P.S: Rinrei is awesome.
P.S.S: Will this war ever end?
P.S.S.S: He's forgotten about this again.
P.S.S.S.S: Yep. He's forgotten which defaults me as the winner.
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