My Views on Fanfiction

Well, as it has turned out I really do like blogging. I must have suppressed all happiness from myself while I was doing exams.

But anyway, I decided to post something of real substance today. I had to say, I was quite intrigued that both Rinrei and the Professor have posted their thoughts on fanfiction and, although I may not be as experienced in the world of fanfiction as Rinrei might be, I have come across some glorious fanfiction which has indeed made me want to gouge my eyes out.

I must confess that I haven't much experience with fanfiction, and that I read my first fanfiction around a year ago. So, as a tribute to the first fanfiction I ever read, I shall be discussing the story in great length.

Now, this story has gained quite a reputation. It is a Harry Potter fanfiction, and I must warn you: It has a rather spectacular 'Mary-Sue' character. I'm going to assume you know what I mean by a Mary-Sue. If you don't, I promise you that this fanfiction is quite a good example of one. But anyway, the reason it has earned such a wonderful reputation is because, in short, it has been named the worst fanfiction that has ever cursed this planet.

Below I'm going to put some links down which you may wish to click so that you may read (or listen to) the story. I have to warn you, it has forty-four disappointing chapters, but really is worth the read to see what a good writer of any sort should never do.

This link leads to a certain website that has all the chapters and a good explanation as to why this fanfiction came to rather an abrupt end. I am using it myself to review the story: http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/

This link goes to a playlist of a rather hilarious reading of the story on YouTube. It is where I first heard of the fanfiction, and I love it. This, however, ends a little earlier than the actual fanfiction, as the reader decided to save his sanity and stop prematurely:  http://www.youtube.com/playlistlist=PL857359156BA76F56&feature=playlist-comment

Ah well, no use delaying the inevitable...

Chapter One

I so desperately wanted to just paste the entire chapter in just to let you read it, but I have a feeling that I'm not allowed to do that. (Note from The Editor: That's right. It's against the rules.) So instead, please just go and click any of the links above. You will see that the video is 2:22 long and that the actual chapter is one paragraph and four lines. What I think I can tell you, though, is this - a quick summary.


Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is a vampire (with straight white teeth) and a witch in her seventh year at Hogwarts in England. She's obsessed with gothic clothing and make-up. She looks like Amy Lee (the lead singer from 'Evanescence'), but she isn't related to the 'major hottie' Gerard Way (lead singer from 'My Chemical Romance'). She hates prep (Uh... Picture Ashley Tisdale in 'High School Musical', and I think that's what a prep is) and the sun.

Also, apparently, it's possible for it to rain and snow at the same time. The wonders of England, huh?

CHAPTER END

I kid you not; that is the basic outline of Chapter One. That's just the paragraph. The next four lines are a pointless conversation with Draco Malfoy but, I promise you, we'll get to that later.

First off, the name of the main character. I had to keep flipping backwards and forwards from this page and the story just to make sure I could get it all in. (It occurred to me a while later that I could've easily copied and pasted it. Really, the things I go through to entertain you all.) In my opinion, no one in their right mind, even a sparkly emo vampire, would ever call their daughter that atrocity. It's like calling someone 'Sparkle Rainbow Moonshine', or something to that effect.

However, if it wasn't for the stupid names of such characters, I believe we would never have an indicator of how bad things are in a fanfiction. If the main 'original' character of the story has a name so long that it requires almost every letter of the English language to spell it, escape. Run away and never think of it again. However, we are going to have to delve deeper into this wonderful story with the amazing character of Ebony Darkness Demetia Raven Moonshine Way.

Next on my list to complain about is the excessive amount of description this girl has for herself. What I have found with story writing is that you don't spend pages and pages describing a character down to their last freckle. In fact, some of the best stories I have read dedicate a line or two to describe their character's hair colour and possibly eye colour if it's important. Ebony goes on to describe not only her 'ebony black hair [that’s how (she) got (her) name (glad that was explained, aren't we?)] with purple streaks and red tips that reaches (her) mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears', but her skin, her clothes - down to her pink fishnet tights - and even her freakin' teeth. I'm so happy she decided to impart this information. Where would we be if we didn't know that all her clothes come from 'Hot Topic'?

You can also tell she's a lovely girl: "A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them." This is the protagonist everyone wants, isn't it?

It will become more obvious as we progress through the chapters, but I have a slight suspicion that the writer of these piece, a girl called Tara, knows very little about Harry Potter and the Wizarding World. This may be very insignificant to many of you but, as a little bit of a Potterhead, the writer has already disappointed me. I don't know if you noticed but I have heavily emphasised the fact that Hogwarts seems to be in England. This is not true. Hogwarts is in Scotland; in the Prisoner of Azkaban it is mentioned that Hogwarts isn't too far from Dufftown, a very real town in Scotland. Admittedly, it's not the biggest mistake one can make. Many Americans do think that Hogwarts is in England, as the book is from England, and I'm sure they can be forgiven - just not by me. First rule of fanfiction: If you want to write fancfiction, make sure you get all your facts straight.

The four lines that I have mentioned before... Well, they're barely worth mentioning. Because I can't be bothered to even review them, here! Have an extract:

   “Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!
   “What’s up, Draco?” I asked.
   “Nothing,” he said shyly.
   But then I heard my friends call me, and I had to go away.

And that, my servants friends, is how this chapter concludes. Pay special attention to those three little dots before 'Draco Malfoy'. You'll find that our dear writer loves them even more than I do. In fact, as a game (and a ploy to make this post longer; nice try, Evil, but nothing gets by The Editor), let's keep a note of how many times ellipses appear in this story. We'll count them even if they have more than three dots.

(Ellipses Used: 1)

You may be wondering though, what with Rinrei's rant about bad spelling in fanfiction why this one seems exempt of any typos at all. Well, the answer can be found in the author's note before the story:

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

(Note from The Editor: Whimper... *Dies*)

That is the Author's true spelling. So why is her story almost completely devoid of this text talk? Her friend Raven is the answer. She edits Tara's story. I don't know how The Editor will feel about this, but I think that Raven was a very kind friend. In fact if it wasn't for this Raven, we may have had a lot of bother... Let's just hope Raven and Tara don't have some big fallout later. *Hint, hint.*

And so ends this short review of the small first chapter of 'My Immortal'. I can only warn you that this will get worse, so if you like well-written stories with decent spelling, please just close the window which has 'My Immortal' in it and back away. You may be very thankful.

I wish you well,
   Evil Mistress of Cliffhangers

P.S. Expect much censoring. It only gets worse.