Cuttlefish & Guam

(Note from The Editor: Before you start, just know this: Guam is a country. Without that knowledge, this post makes less sense than usual. That is all.)

Today I was thinking about Guam. According to the internet, Guam is organised. It doesn't state what they are organised for, or how they are organised, or even why they happen to be organised. It is also unincorporated territory of the United States. This means that it will feel particularly lonely, and the obvious conclusion we can draw from this is that they are organising a rebellion. Against the world. Because this sentence starts with a because. And why wouldn't they rebel if they felt particularly neglected? I know I would if I was Guam.
   Anyway, since they have been preparing for a while now, it's probably too late to stop them. At least, from our meager human point of view. That's right, I'm bringing in the cephalopods. But a single intelligent mollusc probably couldn't hold its own against the organised fighting, for that is the organised Guam. Unless it was a Kraken, except everyone knows that the Kraken is a turtle. So we need to reel in some special forces. They'd need to be very organised, and well equipped. That's right, I'm talking about trained cuttlefish. Armed with pointed worms. And conjoined by the nipples. You may be thinking to yourself, 'Cuttlefish don't have nipples!' And of course, you'd be right. But I did say they were trained, didn't I?
   So, a conglomerate of siamese cephalopods armed with worm weaponry, versus an organised military nation. I think we can see the outcome of that already. Obviously, Guam would win. So we'd need to genetically modify these cephalopods to be bulletproof. This isn't much of a leap, since cuttlefish are basically already superheroes. But if we succeeded in such a modification, there would be very little opposing them. And Guam would fall.
   But would it stop there? Since the cuttlefish armada would be just about invincible, the rest of the world would fall. Unless someone realised that cuttlefish are allergic to rabbits [citation needed]. Thusly, we can conclude that it's probably a good idea to leave Guam alone for now. Unless we can get the cybernetic albatrosses working...