I am The Eternal Editor. I edit the posts that are published by the other authors on this blog, ever on the lookout for grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. And I shall not be mocked.
If you are a regular reader, then you will have noticed the recent post written by Matt. In an obvious attempt to undermine me, he has issued an open challenge to me, saying that if I have truly 'upped my game', as I have previously claimed, then I won't mind editing this post that he's just written.
This I shall not stand for.
I will not be mocked. Therefore, Matt my friend, your challenge is accepted. I shall pick your post to pieces and decode it in this way.
Behold, The Editor.
This shall be much like a puzzle. A very strange puzzle, but a puzzle nonetheless. Let's see what we have here... (Oh, and just to clarify, the bits in bold are the translated text and the italics are sections from Matt's original post. The normal bits are just me speaking to either you lot or myself. Just so you know.)
becos th editr must edt this i desided 2 not yoos pnucuatun and anoy him tho he mite jesd dlet this bt f he dos i cn et his skull did yu no ths is actuly a nu snetes bt thre iss noh pnuctuation i wl congradulet the edrt f hi cn desifr me pst bt sns his a bt slly i dnt knw if he cn aprewntly he upd hs gaem bt i thnk hes liig nd i mite b abl 2 kll hm wth ths pragrff
Right then. Let's see what we can do about this.
As far as I can see, all we have here is a case of bad spelling and grammar that's failed to present itself. Simple enough to translate.
Because The Editor must edit this, I decided to not use punctuation and annoy him, though he might just delete this. But if he does, then I can eat his skull. Did you know this is actually a new series, but there is no punctuation. I will congratulate The Editor if he can decipher my post, but since he is a bit silly I don't know if he can. Apparently he upped his game, but I think he's lying and I might be able to kill him with this paragraph.
That was just the first paragraph. This second section may prove to be more entertaining.
nuw thus purugruph stull hus nu punctuutuun but unstuud uf spullung wurds wrung u just rupluced uruvy vuwul wuth u whuch cuuld bu vury cunfusung bucuusu sumu wurds uru thu sumu uxcupt fur thu vuwulls such us put put und put yut uguun u hupu thu udutur cun fund sumu wuy tu ducuphur thus mussugu
Very interesting. It appears that every vowel of every word has been replaced with a letter 'u'. I#m not quite sure how my brain is managing to read the passage properly, but it appears that I can anyway.
Now this paragraph still has no punctuation, but instead of spelling words wrong, I have just replaced every vowel with 'u', which could be very confusing, because some words are the same except for the vowels (such as pit, pat and pot). Yet again, I hope that The Editor can find some way to decipher this message.
Ha. I managed that one, my irritating friend. The next passage looks even more strange. I have to say, I almost dismissed it as a case of random keys being pressed, until I realised that there was a suspicious surplus of 'q's...
qeq aqaiq i aq qoq uqiqq quqqquaqioq quq qqiq qiqq i qaqe qeqqaqeq eqeqq qoqqoqaqq qiqq q aqq qqiq qiqq qe iqqoqqiqqe qo qeaq
Yet again, I am not using punctuation, but this (qiqq) I have replaced every consonant with 'q', and this (qiqq) be impossible to read.
That was more difficult. I'm still unsure as to what 'qiqq' means. I know it's a four-letter word with the letter 'i' as the only vowel. I'll have to do some research in the dictionary.
And now it gets a little bit easier.
no i m bck tu bd speln becuz es a lut eesyer tu type nd i wsh th editr gud lck
Now I'm back to bad spelling because it's a lot easier to type and I wish The Editor good luck.
Hm. Good luck, eh? I'm going to need it here, because this final bit's really killing me.
qqu qqu quuquqqq
What we have here is not so straightforward. Every consonant has been replaced with 'q' and every vowel has been replaced with 'u'. I suspect the first word to be 'the' because it fits the profile and works as a sentence starter. Past that, I'm not too sure. I'll need the dictionary again.
I'm afraid to say that I can't translate it all for you. I'll have to ask for Pisces' help on this one. However, rest be assured, I shall post again when I have the answers.
Until next time!
The Eternal Editor
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