Definition of the Day - Cooking

I've decided to write a post. This is not out of any feeling of obligation of mine, but rather it is in aid of my winning of what is now to be designated 'War 250'. (Rinrei declared war, therefore I can do naught but accept the challenge.) Of course, I'm fighting to win. That means I need a good arsenal, a great strategy and a good army to direct. I have the arsenal, I have the strategy (not telling!) and I have myself as the person who shall carry out the deeds I command myself to do.
   But I digress. This post isn't really about War 250, but rather about cooking. See, I dislike cooking. When I say 'dislike cooking', I don't mean that I dislike eating cooked food. I simply dislike cooking itself. To me, the definition of the word 'cooking' (to cook) is as follows:

Cooking - To burn with style.

Any actual cook will back me up here, with considerable debate beforehand. Of course Gordon Ramsay won't admit to 'searing with style' a lamb chop - it isn't as catchy as 'cooking' a lamb chop - but it's more true. Same goes for boiling potatoes. That's really just burning-my-potatoes-but-stopping-them-from-catching-fire-with-water. It's all true. Just don't tell Gordon Ramsay. He might get upset.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter. This is because I need say no more. That's because all of the above is true.
   I bid you all good evening. Enjoy no longer cooking, but burning with style instead.