Top Three Funnest Ways to Get Revenge

Hiya! Rinrei here and boy am I in a murderous mood. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I didn't know that I have an English talk to prepare for Monday until this very day. This has left me feeling absolutely rubbish, as I only just finished my portfolios. Five of them. Does the teacher seriously think I have the time to be practising a talk with so many deadlines coming up!? So, in vengeful Rinrei fashion, I am going to type up my Top Three Revenge plans. And since this is me, it's fun for homicidal maniacs.

#1: The Blue Paper Plan
It's rather simple really. This is for a person that I really don't like. Anyway, the best way to get this started is to drug your victim's drink so that they are unconscious while you take them to the designated location of their death. Make sure that you bind their hands and feet in case they wake up early. I always suggest that, to keep your victim in an upright position while preparing them, it is best to first tie them to a pole.

Next, make an incision in the belly and remove the intestine (small, not big) carefully so that they do not die before they are prepared. Don't fully remove the intestine because... Well, where's the fun in that?

Next, loop the intestines around the victim's neck and tie it around the pipes above them in a knot, too high for them to reach. The knot has to be tough as well so that the noose doesn't come loose. Remove the pole, but keep something under their feet so that they have something to balance on until they wake up (I suggest an ice block). Of course, you could wait until they are conscious and aware of what is going on before anything happens. The ice block under their feet will slowly melt away (which is why I suggest a nice hot room), and they will slowly choke to death. Since they will eventually suffer from asphyxia; they will turn blue. Hence, the Blue Paper Plan.

Note from The Editor: Where does 'paper' come into it?
#2: The Possessed Piano
Of course, the piano isn't really possessed, but it'd be fun to make them think so.

The way to make this really scary to start with, is to record some piano music on a recorder that will not make the music sound recorded. Make sure that this music is timed so that when there is no-one but the victim in the room, the music plays (make sure they can't find it, because that ruins the moment). Make this creepy music available both at work and at home so that they cannot rest without living in fear. They will be afraid of sleeping and being alone and will eventually snap and break down. Then they will be taken to get medical help. The song will be stuck in their heads, so even if you don't play it, they will hear it.

#3: The Deadly Car
Of course, you can only do this when the person has a car in a room with no windows (or locked windows) and a sealed, shut door. The engine of the car needs to be on and they must not be able to turn it off. Whether this involves taking their car keys and then locking the door, I'm not sure. Either way, they can NOT turn off the car engine.

This one is rather dull as you can't watch the effects, but this is one where the victim ends up choking on the car fumes and there is no evidence of you being involved, except in the case of the the missing car keys, which you should wash to get rid of any fingerprints. Place them back where you found them (with gloves so as not to add any fingerprints; I know the police will be suspicious about the lack of ANY fingerprints, but it's better than having yours on it), and then play the innocent little person that had no idea this would happen.

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I've been told to limit my violent thoughts a bit so I didn't add my whole ten, and the violence was inhibited slightly so the law wouldn't suspect me of any recent murders. People already suspect me of that. What on Earth would make them think that?

Signing off!
   Rinrei