Bossing Folk About

It's easy to boss people around. Just look at your superior at work, or a teacher in school. They boss you around all the time, and frankly, it's easy. But there are few times that anyone beats the best of boss-around-ers. Who are these people? Simple.

They are called directors, and they are the proverbial bomb.

Directing in this sense is applicable to the field of producing films. A director for a film basically organises everyone and yells at the folk who get it wrong and hands out the cookies to those who do it right.

I love to direct things, especially my own short films that are taken from scripts or short stories. Why? There are two reasons. Firstly, I ususally have a good idea of what's going on in my head when I write something for a film. And second, I enjoy being in control.

Yes, I'm a bit of a control freak, but not all that much really. I mean, there are worse people for control and stuff, etc. But I'm pretty bad when it gets down to writing. Possessive apostrophes! Formatting! Correct placing of commas! It's all essential to me, and it freaks everyone out. But don't worry, I'm not as bad as, say, The Editor. (Note from The Editor: I concede your point, but need I remind you that I could kill every post you've ever written and replace it with a .gif of you making a silly face?)

If ever I am published, I will have the sorry soul who edits the thing list every single change they make as they make it, and I will compare the original and final documents VERY closely, then hand the better one to The Editor, who will then proceed to finalise it and somehow insinuate himself in it as a very minor character. (Don't think I didn't spot that trick with my story about the leaves that ate the cat, I know the little garden gnome sported exactly the same features as you do.)

I love to direct films: to tell people how to say a line, to get the cameraman in position, to tell people that their hair isn't exactly right and no, you cannot wear those shoes with those trousers, you must wear Wellington boots in this scene, as you shall be tramping through a thicket and I know for a fact that Wellington boots are uncomfortable. This is all your fault, you tried to defy me earlier. Sweat it out. Literally. It stinks, yes, but, my good sir, YOU shall be the stinky one soon. I know how your feet exude.

It is brilliant to be the conductor of this something, to rewind and replay scenes, to see everything knit together into a whole or, in some extreme cases, a hole. And when I sit in that chair and watch the final edit play before my eyes, I know what went into it, what memories it brings back.

Directing is the ultimate joy, and that's why I direct all my own films.