Freedom!

The month of April - and therefore Script Frenzy - ends one minute after the publication of this post. Which means that I shall be...

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I can only hope that I've done enough to satisfy both myself and the OLL. Let's find out. Drum roll, please...

Did I win? I don't know! This is a pre-recorded message. Therefore, only the above widget will be able to tell you whether or not I won.
 
Thanks to the OLL for a great April!

A Dirty Limerick

I had to post this somewhere and unfortunately the somewhere was here. I'm certain that The Editor will edit out the bad word, which is good. Anyway, onto the limerick.

(Note from The Editor: Well, that was not a good poem. Which is why I've removed it completely, as Pisces insists that we're to be a family-friendly site. And as I respect Pisces, even after the 'Andross Monet' incident, I'll keep to that. So goodbye. Rinrei can be as annoyed as she wants - I'm not having dirty limericks sitting around on my watch.)

That's all!

(Note from The Editor: Yes, that is all.)

Rinrei

(Which is why I, Rinrei, have modified it to make it a non-dirty limerick.)

There once was a woman from Peru
who filled her  house up with glue.
She said with a grin
that if they paid to get in.
They'll pay to get out of it too.

See, simple changes. Perverts might known what the original was, but don't go putting it in the comments. I'm breaking enough rules by modifying this now.

Signing off again!

Rinrei

Email Madness - What the Frack?

This is unusual. Sinister, even. And it's annoying me.

So I get home - always the highlight of my day, I'm sure - and kick off my shoes and boot up the good old PC. Having a slight tendency to over-organize things, I fall into my daily routine: get home, boot up computer, check emails, sleep, work, blog. So far one and two on that list are ticked off: now to open my mail.

So doing so, what do I find but no less than thirty-two emails from the same person: Professor Pisces. These thirty-two emails are all pretty much the same, and each contains an incredibly disturbing image of what appears to be Andross crossed with Claude Monet, the famous artist. each picture is labelled with the caption: 'Look into the face of Professor Andross Monet'. Disturbing.

So now I'm wondering, "What the fracking frakketty frack is going frackin' on here?" Finally reaching the top message in my inbox, I recognise it to be another Pisces-authored message. I sigh, open it and expect to be scared to death by the scariest doctored photograph that I have ever seen (not posting it - I'd scare everyone off). Instead, I am faced with the following message:

This is a notice to say that you are, in the simplest of terms, a silly being. You shall now be pointlessly harassed because, believe it or not, I took a dare from Bill. With apologies in mind, Professor Pisces.

I am now somewhat confused. Is this a challenge? A joke? Or a lie? Well, I'm taking it as a faintly irritating joke and will now enact a war. Prepare to be bombed, Pisces - I shall prevail, just you see.

A confused but amused Editor, signing out.

Definition of the Day - Teacher

We all remember our school teachers, instructors, lecturers and what have you. However, very few of them were people that any of us pupils actually liked. Correct? Of course I am. Think about it for a second. If your answer remains as 'No, I think otherwise', then you're simply a bit weird.

This is not to say that instructors don't have their merits, nor that they are all horrible old people with a tendency to shout, or go off on rants about how tractors have changed over the past five decades. This is simply a generalization that I intend to force on every one of you. Because I'm like that.

So, to the purpose of this article: the definition.

Teacher (noun) - Person with a superiority complex that specialises in a particular area, usually obscure or redundant in the modern world.

Face it: I'm right. If you are a so-called 'teacher' and don't fit the above description, then you are now jobless. You cannot be a teacher/instructor/bureaucratic old man if you do not fill those categories. Which, I suppose, makes me a teacher. Drat.

Until some other time, I bid you adieu!

Only a Little Dead

Almost unreasonably, I have been forced to post, but there was no torture involved, so don't bother reporting Pisceries to the police. I kid of course, except about the unreasonable part.

Rather than being left as a wonderful hadrosaur, with the addition of this post, I am stuck as the scourge that defiles the household of many - the hamster. They don't even eat babies.

Anywarm beverage, since the comparison of the team to various implements is now all the rage, I decided to add my contribution. So, here we have it: the comparison of all blog members to certain fruit and vegetables.

*           *          *

First and foremostly, we have our hairful Pisceron. Well, I should refer to him as the former hairful Pisceron. The removal of several of his scalpular strands has resulted in an almost, but not quite obsolete comparison with...

...The humble cauliflower.

If you knew him, you would understand.

Since I can't be bothered to make comparisons for the rest of the team (except that EMoC is a potato), you will have to make do with cauliflowerpisces. Goodbye.

Comparing Authors With Animals

Well everyone else is doing it - why shouldn't I join them?

As the title of this post suggests, I'm going to compare the Kettle's overabundance of authors with different animals. Firstly, let us see to myself. Seeing as I'm first in everything anyway (including being condescending), I suppose it's only natural that I should make myself my own first victim.

Professor Pisces
Professor Pisces, the great leader of the Kettle. My intelligence is high, my ego levels are higher, and my hair projects outwards in all directions, when it's long enough. No animal, I think, can quite match these qualities, so I shall resort to the following attributes. However, intelligence is generally anthropomorphised by one particular creature. I'm also considered to be fairly wise (not my words - I'm not sure how they came to that conclusion). Huh. Mistake made there, I think...

 There's nothing for it but to make myself an Eastern Screech Owl. Well, let's face it: Intelligence and/or wisdom are generally percieved to be owlish qualities, and a group of owls is called a parliament - where I hope to be in fifteen years' time. And I like to argue, talk and blether, or 'screech', as some people would put it. Screech owls also look demented and mad - like me! And they have little tufty ears that project out the way like my hair. So here you go: A picture of myself. 

Yup. That is SO me.

According to alternative sources, I could be a European Robin, too. Apparently I'm 'very territorial', to quote a source. That source, needless to say, is wrong.

Next up is Rinrei, as she is the next most active author, besides myself.

Rinrei
"Difficult, difficult..." said the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter. But I am not the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter, so this is, therefore, easy.

Except it isn't. Let's list Rinrei's qualities. She is fairly defensive, easy to irritate and can deliver a stinging retort when necessary. She has personally threatened to kill me several times in the past for a variety of reasons. She's also generally quite. Hardworking, too. Therefore, she must be...A Leopard Seal.

Those teeth deliver a nasty bite, I'll bet. Not that I wish to find out...

Just so that you're aware, leopard seals live at the south pole and eat penguins. Not that Rinrei lives at the south pole or eats penguins, though I bet she likes the biscuits called 'Penguins'. (P-p-p... Pick up a PENGUIN!)

Alternatively, she could be a giraffe (although how, I don't know - that suggestion came from the same source as the 'very territorial' remark).

Next up, Bill.

Bill
An interesting creature, Bill has little hair upon his head and iks generally hard to irritate. (I know - I've tried.) He may hiss at you and strike at you, but he'll practically never bite. He's also a bit of a rarity and a bit boring at times, which makes him an Eastern Hognose Snake.


Interestingly flat... Much like conversation with Bill.

Alternatively, he could be a smelly mutt. That was Bill's own suggestion, but he said a dog was a bit boring. So I chose the above instead.

Next!

Evil Mistress of Cliffhangers
Well, apparently dear old Evil is dead, as she hasn't posted in a few months. This naturally leads us to assume that she has gone extinct.

Evil, when she was alive (the Lord rest her soul, assuming she had one) was a bit snappy and quite short. She didn't like people noticing this, so made up for it with rampant yelling and shouting quite loudly. She was also quite funny at times. Not that I have time for humour.

Her general snappiness and occasional violence earns her some merit. Place extinction at the top of that growing pile of attributes, and we end up with her being a Tasmanian Devil.


A wonderful show of the uvula, Taz.

Look who's next in line...

Matt
It's possibly reasonable to assume that dear Matt has also gone extinct, as we appear to have lost him. Matt, assuming he is still alive, is rather outlandish and is reasonably hilarious in his writing style. He eats too much planet material to be healthy for him and spends a lot of time lazing around. Therefore, I have two creatures for him. Firstly, assuming he is still alive and not dead or dying, we have the Hamster, which sleeps fourteen hours a day and is strictly vegetarian.

Uh-huh...

The second option assumes that Matt is indeed extinct. In this case, he's the humble Parasaurolophus. Take a look and see!


Dead for 65 million years. That is indeed Matt.

And, last but not least...

The Eternal Editor
Not much is known about The Eternal Editor and no-one much likes him, except perhaps for myself. That's because I know who he is and you don't. Therefore, I can safely say that the dear old Editor is a Star Nosed Mole. Well, it lives underground and doesn't surface all that often - it must be him.

There we are! Editor, it's you!

OK, folks, the fun's over. You can all go home now.

Antics over for the day, this is Professor Pisces, hiding away as the enraged authors try and find him... Little do they know that I'm an Eastern Screech Owl - I can fly away. Heheheh...

Comparing Authors With 'Star Fox' Characters

This is a post very similar to Rinrei's 'Comparing People With 'Hetalia' Characters', but instead, it's with Star Fox characters. Duh. Let us begin. First in line is myself, of course:

Bill Grey
There are obvious reasons as to why this character suits me, one being we share the same name. Also because this character loves action, as do I. He only appears in two games in the series, with a very small role in each. Some might say that he's unpopular. Helllo, right here. Nevertheless, this character is 100% my favourite in the series. He's a dog, by the way.

A picture of our strapping Bill.

Next is our beloved Professor Pisces.

Andross Oikonny (Possible last name)

Besides the fact that the Professor is a big fan of Andross, they share a multitude of similarities. To start with, they are both mad scientists wanting to take over their respective galaxies. They also both have a hatred towards Slippy Toad. He is leader of an army in the same way that Pisces is our 'leader'. And he always gets destroyed by anthropomorphic animals in spaceships, just like the Professor, of course.

Look at that lovely Andross.

Next, we have The Eternal Editor.

Peppy Hare

Okay, now The Editor is most suiting to this old timer simply because Peppy never has much to say and barely ever gets into any action. However, Peppy is vital to the team, for he is always checking on them and helping them, much like our Editor fixes our mess on this very blog. That's why The Editor is best suited to be Peppy.

Now we have Matt:

Slippy Toad

Now, there is one valid reason why Matt and this character are similar: No one likes Slippy. Heheh, I jest, of course. Slippy is flawed in the ways of combat, much like Matt cannot play a game to save his life. However, Slippy is the brains of the team and without him, team Starfox would be a whole lot worse. The same goes for Matt, without him, this blog would be a whole lot worse.

There's Slippy Toad, alright.

Next is Rinrei.

Pigma Dengar

Right, besides the fact that Pigma is a pig, is fat, and is a man, Rinrei is best suited to be him. The one and only reason is because Pigma is everyone's enemy. He's been kicked out of Starfox, Starwolf and is now an Aparoid, or would be if he was still alive. Now I'm not saying that Rinrei is a dead aparoid, I'm simply saying that everyone is her enemy.

I hope there's no physical resemblance between Pigma and Rinrei. I really do.

Finally we have Evil Mistress of Cliffhangers, or EMoC as pretty much no-one calls her.

James McCloud

James McCloud is dead (thanks to Rinrei and the Professor). And due to the lack in posts given by Evil, we can only assume she's dead too.

RIP James McCloud/EMoC

That is all. Goodbye everyone.

   Bill

The Wacki Jeaver

So anyway, that's the lolidays almost over, and then it's straight into the deep end with exams. Oh my, it's such a shame, considering I can't make sense of my timetable, the Wacki Jeaver must've made it to upset me further.

So anyways, I started a World of Warcraft account. It's awesome, although I can only play it at my friend's house... I blame the Wacki Jeaver. In fact, most bad things are caused by the Jeaver himself. For example, the barber that cut the Professor's hair was none other than the Wacki Jeaver. But enough about him for now. We must now talk about the new Super Smash Bros. game in production for the Nintendo 3DS and Wii U. It's going to be brilliant.

Here are some people I'd like to see in it:

• Bill Grey from the Starfox series.

And that's about it. But knowing my luck, the Wacki Jeaver will see to it that no such thing happens. Because things happen the way they do because that's the way tha- teenyweeniegenie.

I'm Back!

Hello, people. It is I, Pisces. Just saying - I am back in town. Admittedly, I did post yesterday, but that was via my iPod. It wasn't a real post. Plus, I was on holiday. Therefore it double-not-counts.

So I am back in town and the first half of Script Frenzy is coming to a close. Yippee. Don't expect much work from me - Script Frenzy isn't complete yet!

Saying 'Hey!',
   Professor Pisces

When You're In Your Own Script...

I've been writing for nearly fifteen days straight now, and I'm already on 60 pages. I'm feeling pretty good about the page count, but I'm beginning to seriously doubt that I still own a shred of sanity. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I'll tell you.

A couple of days back, I introduced a new character into the story. He's an academic, arrogant man with hair that appears to grow outwards rather than down the way. He's also very smart and has a high self esteem. Condescending, he doesn't get on with that many people very well. This was my new character: A government researcher/scientist working on a temporal gate in the middle of Tower Bridge.

Several pages after creation, I realized something. The character's name was Professor Pisces.

Unfortunately for me, I appear to have written myself into my own script; my own TV series. Unusually, I managed to give him my personality, too, which is probably why I find him so easy to write, if you catch my drift. So somehow, without actually noticing, I have insinuated myself into a TV series focusing on the terrors of time travel. Wow.

I'm simply wondering if I'm mad, unlucky or that my subconscious mind is working against me. Maybe I should get some more sleep...

Comparing People with 'Hetalia' Characters

I'm bored and I have nothing much to say, so I am going to do the only thing I can do when I have no idea what to say. I'm going to compare people referred to in the blog to Hetalia characters.

To those of you who don't know what Hetalia is, it's an awesome anime that teaches you about history in a fun and stupid way with a funny narrator and stereotypical (close to racist) characters representing countries, but even the people from those countries find it funny. I suggest you watch it if you haven't; it's a good way to learn history even though half of it is pure rubbish.

So first I will start with the obvious: Myself . (Oh, how arrogant.)

Now, I am rather odd. I usually appear loud and incredibly stupid, but I have a darker side. I have few friends and I tend to isolate myself from other people. I also have an incredibly big knife (as I found out while cleaning the dishes; I went a bit insane for a moment) and can be a bit arrogant at times. I tend to scare people when I first meet them, and am well known for plotting the best ways to scare them. This makes me Belarus from Hetalia. Want to know what she looks like? Check below.

Enough said.

Next up is the 'almighty' Professor Pisces. Now, he appears arrogant and proud of himself (no offense Prof) and often corrects people. He appears serious at first, but is as weird as everyone else. He also cooks bad food. Also has blonde hair (now short) and green eyes. I have also come to the conclusion that due to his overactive imagination he has many imaginary friends. He has a posh accent and uses big words. I've also discovered that he can see the supernatural. Sinister. This makes him England, even though England is short in the show.

Professor Pisces disapproves.

Next is Evil, who had spontaneously combusted in the past month or so. Evil is a tomboy of sorts, and at times gives off a strange and disturbing aura of murderous intent. When angry, she tends to throw things at people, but acts as an older sister to a large majority of the group. She likes to suddenly burst into angry fits around people who call her short and knows how to fight (big time). That is why she gets the part of Hungary!

Did I forget to mention that she WILL own you?

Now it's Matt. Oh boy. I can not even begin to find a way to describe him. How to describe a strange creature? Well, he's human, to start with. And he's Evil's brother (secrets revealed). Obviously known for spurting nonsense and rambling about the weirdest possible things. I have no idea what country he is, but the best I can come up with is America.

Yes indeed.

Now comes the strange and mysterious creature known as The Eternal Editor. Not much can be said about him so far, other than he knows Professor Pisces and hates being called childish. He also hates idiots and bad grammar. At times he works against others and never ignores a challenge. He appears the most serious, and the one that gets irritated by our antics the most, which is why he earns the title Germany.

Did I also mention that he gets angry easily?

Now for the person known as Bill. Appears to be an old man that makes most people cringe. He is eccentric and weird, and is secretly plotting to take over the blog (yes, I'm on to you Bill). He does this by acting polite and acting as the back-up for us lazy troopers over here. Since I am now tired and could care less, he is officially China.

All your base are belong to Bill, no?

That's all for now! I'm off to watch Hetalia!

Signing off!
   Rinrei

An Unusual Review

Well, I'm pretty bored, and seeing as I've just come from having a cold glass of my favourite drink (Irn Bru, doncha know), I thought it would be a good idea to write a post. Therefore, I present to you...

Comparing Ginger Beer

with Professor Pisces

See, I told you I was bored.

It's a well known fact that ginger beer is the best, but only when it's non-alcoholic, because I just don't do alcohol. I refuse to ingest fermented sugar that will turn into formaldehyde during the digestive process.

Now, if you don't actually know what ginger beer is, then that's cool, because neither do I. However, seeing as Wikipedia is only one click away, I'll simply read that through and come back appearing knowledgeable in the area of ginger beer. Not that it actually tells me what I want to know...

Ginger beer has a long history of being drinkable. The type that I like, and therefore the type that really matters here, is the 'soft drink' variety. Originally, ginger beer would be brewed and have a high alcohol content, but the soft drink version is instead carbonated. This means it might rot my teeth, but I'm sure my teeth won't really mind. The mix is flavoured with extract of ginger root (like the spice) and sugars/sweeteners. The result is a fizzy drink that looks like cloudy water and tastes like ginger and sugar dissolved together. Which is great, because that's essentially what it is! If you've never consumed raw ground ginger before, then first, go and do that. Then I'll tell you that if you've ever had gingerbread, then you can think of ginger beer as a sort of fizzy, liquefied gingerbread man. It's slightly fiery and leaves a tingle on the tongue.

So, moving on from that, I'd like to usher you into the main review. Below, we should have three types of non-alcoholic ginger beer - Bundaberg, Old Jamaica and Barr Ginger Beer. I shall examine each and deliver a verdict - for I have tasted them all on consecutive days this very week.

Here goes not very much!

Bundaberg Ginger Beer

This variety of beverage is very nice indeed. Cloudy but not opaque, it doesn't contain as much sweetener as some brands. It doesn't have to be very fizzy - indeed, it is not even as fizzy as coke - as the ginger in it leaves a pleasant but not strong taste of ginger in the mouth.

Unfortunately, though, there is a problem with it. Namely that you must read the instructions on the cap before being able to open the thing. The cap consists of a ring attatched by a tag to the cap, which seems to be a foil-over-plastic thing welded to the glass. My objection here is not that the bottle is impossible to open, but that you must read instructions to do so. It is not a good sign when instructions are needed to be able to drink a beverage - instructions are too much for the average drunkard.

Therefore, this drink is delicious, but it loses all previously gained points due to the cap. Pedantic, I know, but I have to make this post longer somehow.

Bundaberg gets a zero out of nine out of ten. (0/9/10).

Old Jamaica Ginger Beer

Next on the list - Old Jamaica Ginger Beer!

Now this brand is certainly worth a shot. It is definitely sweeter than the Bundaberg, and more cloudy as well - I say that sweeteners are the cause of this. It also has a definably earthy taste - probably the type of ginger at work here. It's certainly an interesting mix. However, it is quite harsh on the back of the throat if you aren't used to it, as I was amused to find out when a family member grabbed it and took a swig, thinking it to be barley water. That was very funny. My shirt is still in the wash after that incident. Be warned: It isn't called 'fiery' for no reason.

Now I'm on my way to giving this a five out of ten for taste, but then I see the word 'Jamaica' on the bottle. This means I must automatically add a million stars to whatever rating I decide to give it.

Old Jamaica Ginger Beer gets one million and five out of ten (1,000,005/10).

Barr Ginger Beer

The final beverage on the list of candidates, Barr Ginger Beer is cloudier than Bundaverg, but not as cloudy as Old Jamaica. As such, it is between the other two in terms of sweetness. It's certainly the fizziest of the three. It produces the most bubbles, you see.

The taste is slightly overloaded with sweeteners, but the effect is cancelled out by the normal, tongue-warming effect of the spicy ginger. It doesn't seem to have any extra flavour added to it - an abscence of earthiness is quite welcome, as it doesn't taste like you're drink ginger beer strained through soil.

Barr is the company that makes Irn Bru, therefore I am inclined to give this an extra fifty three points. That brings Barr Ginger Beer's points to sixty out of ten (60/10).

*          *          *

I must now, rather sadly, bring this review to a close with a final note and a sort of prize giving ceremony.

At the top of the leaderboard is Old Jamaica, with a million and five points for having the word 'Jamaica' in the title. Secong is the Barr variety with sixty points, a bonus fifty three securing its place. Last but in no means least is Bundaberg, with zero of nine of ten.

Which means, quite obviously, that Bundaberg wins! well done, Bundaberg - you are my favourite non-alcoholic ginger beer. Oh, did I not say? The lowest number of points wins.

I did say I was bored, people. Never underestimate a bored person. There's no telling what they will do...

Depressing Poems

The music! Let it play! Let it haunt your mind, like a curse, like a plague, leeching away at the last drops of life. Watch the fire melt away your memories, your past, the things that mean most to you until there's nothing left but the grey where you shall serve as a slave to the almighty for eternity. You wish that one day the pain will end but it won't, because you're inferior, the child that no one listens to, the one that is constantly hurt and ridiculed until there's nothing left but hatred and sorrow. Let naught stand before his might. For you too shall one day feel the pain forced upon you by the one which you once praised. You shall march under his control to the beat of the drum, the same deathly melody that haunts you every night, poisoning you until the end. Until there is nothing, when you finally find that place you always dreamed of, the illusion of happiness. All feelings and emotions are forgotten, except from the fear which you cannot escape. You'll try to run from it, but it will follow you; you can never hide from it. It lives inside you, it's what keeps you up at night, it's what helps you understand the true horrors of life. The final moment when you finally stare death in the eyes. You plead for another day, a minute, a second of the pain which is life, but he is merciless and takes you away into the blackness.

No Longer 'Ahead! Ahead!'

Well, a week into Screnzy and I'm already falling behind slightly.

It's Day 7, and I have insofar written 24 pages of original scripted material. Practically a quarter the way through Screnzy already, this puts me in the ideal position of being 0.66666... pages ahead of the Script Frenzy prescribed schedule (3.33333... pages per day, if you're wondering). However, that is not to say that I am achieving my own goals.

A day before the beginning of all this madness, I brought out my diary/yearly planner thing and marked in my page count for each day of Screnzy. Due to my wishing to have several days off, I scheduled myself to write four pages every day in place of 3.333. Writing four pages a day, I figured, meant I would reach the hundredth page on the 25th of April and leave me five days to wrap things up and relax, simply taking over the forums for a while. The only problem with that idea is that you can fall behind rather quickly - as I am just now finding out.

On Thursday, I made the mistake of taking a day off. Admittedly it was a very good day, but it still left me with four extra pages to write in order to catch up. Those four pages are to be caught up with today, though so far I've only managed to meet today's quota. This means I am still four pages behind. It's annoying.

There are now two options available to me: Write all four extra pages today and go to bed very happy, or simply write a few more pages today and I'll fall asleep knowing that I've gotten rid of some of the lag. I'm inclined to go for an amalgam of both. The plan is to write as much as I can and maybe destroy this lead that Screnzy has over me, and if I don't kill it completely, at least I shall have seriously wounded it.

On top of all this, I'm actually going on holiday next week. This particular holiday is one in which I am required to make do with a lack of writing software and an intermittent Internet connection. The problem here is that I shall have nothing to be writing up my pages on, so I'm going to have to make do with old fashioned pen and paper. It's not exactly the worst case scenario, but it's bound to be a pain in the backside. More painful still because I know I'll have to transcribe it from the paper onto the Celtx file that I'm using.

I'm now off to see whether I can solve this paper-to-PDF problem. Don't worry though - I have a plan in place, taken directly from the Script Frenzy forums.

Off to write a page or two more,
   Professor Pisces signing off.

Something's Fishy - Why I (Now) Hate Puns

Today I reached page twenty in my Screnzy script. This means I've caught up with the week's demands, and I'm also a fifth of the way to making a hundred pages. To celebrate, I decided to take a little bit of time off from scriptwriting and indulge in a favourite pastime of mine - playing chess.

Playing chess is not something I necessarily take lightly. Chess, in my eyes, is not just a game, but an art. Therefore you sort of need the right conditions for it. In this case, the variable was the opponent. And, seeing as I'm no big fan of online chess, I decided to call upon good old Skald. Also a fan of chess, he suggested we meet and play. Naturally, I accepted.

Ten minutes later, we're enjoying a well matched game of chess in which Skald shouts a lot and I try to use my Jedi mind tricks on them. After two games, it's one all. At this point we are joined by the one known as 'Bats'. Can you tell she's into those little flying mice in a big way?

So anyway, she walks in. We decide that there's only one thing for it: All-out war. Cue: Three-way chess.


A three-way chessboard. Trust me, it really is as mucked-up as it looks.

With Skald as red, Bats as black and myself as white, we set about creating well-meant mischief with pawns and queens. That is, for about three moves. Then began the REAL war. The War of the Fish Puns.

I'm not even really sure how it started. We must have been discussing the various merits of fish, or the industry thereof, but it began anyway. All it took was a single move to push it over the edge, and it just had to be Bats who made said move.

"I'll move my horse," she said. Still on the topic of fish, I decided to be my usual self - funny, charismatic, etcetera, etcetera. In this case it was to be my ultimate downfall.

"Seahorse," I suggested. Skald groaned. And so began the fish-pun war.

It began with 'seahorse', but it quickly escalated to such things as: "You've got no SOLE", "That's a red HERRING", and the quite frankly unforgiveable "I'll knock you off your PERCH". And that's just the ones that stick in my head! "That success was simply a FLUKE" also featured. Who knew chess could get so painful?

In a moment of dire error, I was checkmated by a combination of Bats and Skald, both making puns as it happened. As it was, I conceded to checkmate graciously by half-swearing with "Carp!". Then  Bats soured the moment with "That's tipped the SCALES in my favour". The immediate thought was: Ooh, that's not good.

"Ha! I'll skewer you have my sword (fish)," parried Skald. I decided to chip in, or, as was the case then, fish 'n' chip in.

"I'll beat your sword (fish) with my RAY gun. And the best part is, they're in the same family," I chuckled. And that was when it hit us. We had run out of fish.

Several uncomfortable moments passed while we all tried to think of fish to defile with puns. Such it was that Skald decided that all marine life was available for weaponisation: "You know, I hope the government's not listening in on this. They might think we're smoking weed. SEAWEED."

I slapped my hand to my forehead and squeaked: "We need KELP."

And then, partly thankfully, it was time to leave. I left with Skald about to boot up the computer in search of fish to pun-inise and hurried away as fast as was polite when folk are watching you go. So it was that, an uneventful journey later, I arrived back home. When asked how my day was, I couldn't help myself. I answered with: "I had a WHALE of a time."

As I ate my dinner that evening, I almost suffered a mental breakdown. Halfway through the meal, I realised what I was eating: Cod. How COD they do such a thing?

Writing from a mental institution,
   Professor Pisces

Do I Even Care?

Trust me, Professor, I could care less about what you say. And I was not attempting a tantrum. I have been carefully counting the posts here, and I always make sure that I have enough words and things available to post. In fact, I still have 16 left. Don't go provoking me Professor, because I am really not in a good mood, and if you want to go and start a fight then try and talk to me face to face and see how long I last.

Also, I am not quitting, I am merely working on something else. Exams and Script Frenzy are more important than this and I also have deadlines to reach for other things online. If you think that I am doing it just because I lost War 250, then please, don't flatter yourself.

The fact that you think I was actually annoyed at the 250 challenge is slightly annoying also. Seriously? You actually think I care so much that I would personally pick a fight with you? Please, you underestimate me. I'm not going to add much more to this post since I know that you will most likely find a way to contradict me and annoy me even further, leading to the last incident that happened due to online arguments. Watch yourself, Professor, one day you might slip up with that personality of yours and you'll regret it.

Anyway, to people other than the Professor: I'm leaving for a while and I might not come back for quite some time. If you have anything to say to me, then click on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1PBptSDIh8

SIGNING OFF!
   Rinrei

The Post Below is a Lie.

Pisces has claimed that he has won War 250, but he has just proven himself wrong. First, allow me to start with the most obvious fault. He's actually above 250, as I have checked multiple times how many posts have been counted.

Secondly, his winning post has less than 150 words, which he specifically said had to be the minimum amount of words to count as a post. Basically, even if that was the 250th post, it is not valid because there are not enough words in it.

And don't you dare go saying that those rules do not matter because that means that you are far beyond the 250th post and someone else got it long ago.

Basically, you just broke your own rules and got beaten at your own game. Amen to that, Professor!

And now I am not going to write for up to three months. I've already written enough posts for this month, and now it has no purpose. I'll post up whenever I can be bothered, I don't care for prizes anymore. I'm off.


Ja ne!
   Rinrei

P.S - If you do count all the posts that had less that 150 words (i.e. two), then tough luck, Professor. I've worked hard.

Note from Pisces: Ooh, we have a sore loser here. Well done, you've just won the 'sore loser' award.

Rinrei, what did you really expect from me? That I'd let someone else get one over me? No, my friend. When I play, I play to win, and win is what I do. If you wish to complain about what I've written, then speak directly to me instead of having an online tantrum.

Also, what did you think the prize was going to be, anyway? A trophy? A medal? A cake? No, I was simply going to give you a pat on the back, write a post congratulating whoever had won and present them with something in the order of a small chocolate bar.

You do, however, have a point about that wordcount. Therefore, allow me to remedy that. Remember, I can edit my own posts as much as I want, and sneak into yours whenever I please...

And really? Quitting for three months? I'll throw you off this ship that sails if you want. Just say the words.

War 250 is Won

War 250 is won! I win! I win! I win!

Yes, people, joy of joys, I, Professor Pisces, has won War 250! Rejoice! Rejoice! I no longer have to hand out prizes to people.

I win, I win, I win... Muhahahaha...

The First Scene

To win War 250, I shall now present to you the first scene from my Script Frenzy scripy, 'The Gates of Tomorrow'!

*          *          *

EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Abandoned cars litter the streets. A wild wind passes down the street, picking up litter and whipping it into a whirlwind. Drivers and passers-by alike run from an unseen danger at the end of the street, some of them screaming as they go. Others stand perfectly still, either petrified by fear or amazement at what they are seeing. One or two have their phones out and are taking pictures and filming whatever is going on.

EXT. RIVERFRONT - DAY
At the end of the street is the riverfront. Here, the situation is even more chaotic. People spread out like ripples from an unseen point. Yet more cars stand abandoned in the street. An old woman tries to run, but is knocked over by another scared person, and she falls to the ground. A parent gathers her children and attempts to flee the scene, terror in her eyes.

EXT. BRIDGE - DAY
The danger is revealed: In the centre of Tower Bridge, a cascade of energy fluctuates, there but not quite there, randomly earthing crackling blue electricity wherever possible. The overcast sky flashes as arcs of blue pass through the clouds.

The field brightens in intensity for a split second, and then explodes, sending a wave of blue energy across the area.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
A man opens his eyes, banishing the scene from thought. He rubs his temples and rests his head in the space between his thumb and forefinger. The man is SIMON ASHER (43), a serious, well-built man with a face of stone and a thin beard gracing his jaw.

Across from him sits a woman. She leans forwards on her elbows.

INTERROGATOR

(to Asher)

So tell me, Asher... What happened out there?

ASHER

(in deep, gravelly tones)

You know fine well what happened.

INTERROGATOR

Yes, but I want to hear it from you. Tell me, Simon... What happened at Tower Bridge?

Asher looks at the woman as if gauging whether she is poking fun at him or not. Apparently having decided upon the latter, he raises his head, leans back in the plastic chair, and opens his mouth to speak.

*          *          *

And there you have it! War 250 is mine!

I'm Ahead! Ahead! Two Days Ahead!

I am a happy bunny.

Script Frenzy treats me well: It grants me the opportunity to be motivated to write a one hundred page script, it gives me a community of others to share the experience with and... It actually seems fairly easy.

So, three days in, and I'm four pages ahead of schedule. I do love my life.

The plan now? Why, I intend to keep the lead! I'll try and write at least four pages every day, just so that I can keep ahead of schedule. However, with a definite lack of computer aid foreseeable in the near future, I'm finding myself resorting to good old fashioned pen and paper...

Oh well, that's how I'm doing insofar. Now I'm off to win War 250!

How to create a good FMA story CHAPTER FOUR: Envy is...

Now, Envy is also a surprisingly complex character, no matter how violent or mean he may act. He has a mix of emotions, sometimes he's happy (although, mainly for the wrong reasons.) and sometimes he's upset (although I only saw this happen once, and it was rather upsetting for me too.)

Some writers think of him as two-dimensional and often alter his personality (much like Ed.) for their characters needs.

Below (like Chapter Three.) are the main things that people often decide to do with poor Envy (If he existed, he would have just killed me, by the way.)

1. Envy is in a relationship with Lust

2. Envy is in a relationship with Greed

3. Envy is in a relationship with Wrath (first anime)

4. Envy just raped your character

5. Envy is in a relationship with Winry

6. Envy is in a relationship with Ed

7. Envy is a girl

8. Envy came back to life!!! P:

1. For a start, they are siblings. Second of all, he really doesn't like his siblings very much. Do you see him crying and all that when Lust dies? No. Lust may be well...lust, but Envy could care less about that. He has other things to worry about, plus he would probably feel very weird about it later; he just did it with his sister.

2. From what we could tell from the brief moment Greed met Envy, they don't get along very well. Envy looks as though he wants to shove his hand down Greed's throat and rip out his vocal cords. Obviously, it is unlikely that they would suddenly get along and start dating each other. If anything, they will work together but not talk to each other and still somehow manage to almost tear each other to pieces.

3. In the first season, we can tell he finds the kid irritating and he is less than hesitant to start beating the crap out of him when he bugs her. This sucks for all incest fans, but that's the way it is. They aren't going to get it on because Envy hated Wrath and Wrath is too interested in getting his mommys attention.

4. No, just no. I shall simply start by saying that he finds humans gross and irritating and he hates being with a certain radius of them for too long. Basically, he no be liking your character. He will probably just straight out kill her/him and leave it at that.

5. For a start, have they even met? I haven't found any evidence of them meeting yet, but he is most likely to have found her as disgusting as all other humans. It is extremely unlikely that he will do anything other than kill or torture her.

6. NO! He hates Ed, even to the bitter end. If anyone has seen the whole Manga then you will know that when he came barging in on Ed telling him to hurry up and he found him half naked, he freaked out because he found it disgusting. They aren't going to get it on no matter how hard you try. They both hate each other.

7. Well, Envy has no official gender. Envy is simply referred to as a 'he' in the dubbed series because it makes life easy and calling Envy an it is extremely rude. Envy can change form so he could change into a girl, but he prefers to be a palm tree.

8. Sorry, but when your dead, your dead. Envy is no exception. He got rid of his philosphers stone while he was at his weakest because he wanted to die. It's going to stay that way, sadly. Even if Father somehow made it and created a new Envy, it would be a whole different character and not look the same as our current (and dead) Envy.

While Envy is certainly complicated as a character, he does have some characteristics that will always stay with him.

-He is jealous of humans and thus hates them with a passion: He isn't ever going to fall in love with anyone.

-He hates being insulted: Basically, if any characters call him something like palm tree expect instant death.

That's all for now since I'm tired.

Rinrei is fully capable of posting up multiple things at the same time since she's a quick writer. Now I want a sweet otherwise I will refuse to write.

How to create a good FMA story CHAPTER THREE: Edward Elric is...

Edward Elric is a complex character, I won't deny that much. Like real life people he acts differently towards different people, although he always seems to keep his foul temper.

Some writers alter him for their own needs and sometimes they are pretty good at it. But Edward is his own person and you can't force someone to change for the sake of a story line.

Sometimes writers alter him beyond recognisation, which basically means you just killed him. Some writers make him a romantic and all gooey gooey love love.

You have to remember how he proposed to Winry in the end of FMA Brotherhood; he was practically hopeless.

Also, people tend to give him different jobs or abilities sometimes. Some people even go as far as to turn him into things like a chimera, a cat and even a homunculi. He is human and no amount of alchemy can alter that.

Below is a list of things that I have seen readers change about Edward Elric. Soon I shall explain why these are bad.

1. A music sensualist

2. The 'hottest guy in school'

3. A gangster

4. A homunculi

5. A cat

6. A chimera

7. Roy's boyfriend.

8. Alphonse's boyfriend.

1. For a start, Edward probably can't even play music. He's been too focused on training in alchemy. Some people say: Oh it just happened and he ended up being brilliant. He doesn't sing. Even if it was for Valentines day for Winry, he wouldn't have the guts to go singing or playing music. He'd probably be too embarrassed. He does alchemy, not music.

2. For a start, he doesn't even go to school. He's part of the military, not school. Even in a AU universe, people don't go dropping on him. Although some people think he's hot in this world, he looks too short and childish in the FMA world. To the FMA people he looks like he's twelve and it's only later on that he starts maturing in appearance. Remember that not all the characters are begging him to marry them. That would just be a weird series. REMEMBER THIS!

3. To put it lightly, he's on the side of the law. Sure, he often makes their life difficult and causes damage wherever he goes but he is still in the military and he does NOT want to get on their bad side. Basically, gangster no work out.

4. For a start, this can cause a serious mind screw for devoted fans of the show. If you are referring to it as the brotherhood series then this obviously does not work because only Father can create homunculi and even though Pride tried to use Ed as a vessel, it didn't work. People use the homunculi thing as an excuse to alter Ed's personality for their own needs. Plus, how would others react to all this? The military covers all tracks and if they have to kill Ed then they will. Basically, Ed's life would be short and pointless if you made him a homunculi.

5. I never understand why people turn Ed into a cat. First of all, how? Secondly, why? Thirdly, what? This is not possible in the FMA world and if you think some lame ass alchemy or a witch can do it then think again. This just does not work under the rules of FMA or alchemy.

6. This is slightly possible although I still dislike it. While it is a good idea, people go back to the cat ears and tail thing. Some people even use this as an excuse to get him together with Roy and that. It just doesn't work. You CAN use this in an AU universe but you would have to follow the chimera instructions before and then you would have to come up with an excuse for why he ended up like this and a whole different story plot. Basically, you'd be giving yourself more homework than needed.

7. For a start, Edward is not gay. No matter how you look at it, he hates Roy. Their relationship is anything but lovey dovey. If you really want to give them a relationship of any sorts then they are like brothers with Roy being the annoying older brother than Ed never wanted. Think about it. You don't see them going all gooey eyed over each other in the show, do you?

8. This is the one I hate the most. EDWARD IS NOT INCESTIOUS! While I'm checking out fanfics online, I find out that a large majority of them are EDxAl which just disgusts me. THEY ARE BROTHERS! Sure, they care for each other and look out for each other, BUT NOT IN THAT KIND OF WAY! How the hell do you think Edward would react if he found out people were writing about him and Al like that? Obviously, he would be disgusted too. They are loyal brothers that look out for each other, that is all.

You also have to remember that Edward loves only Winry. No character you create can alter that, even in an AU, it is a major part of his personality even if it does not look it. You have to remember the key characteristics of Edward and avoid altering it.

Some people join their character up with Edward immediately and they get along straight away. That is another thing, he will straight away distrust your character and see them as a nusiance. Remember that he is looking for the Philosophers stone and he is irritated by anything that distracts them. He will probably warm up to them better if they help him and avoid getting in his way like most OC's do although this will take a long time.

Think these main point through and learn to avoid the obvious stuff and you have an Edward!

Any suggestions you have would be nice!

Thank you Anonymoussama for your review! I'm grateful!

(By the way, I think this is the 250th post. Unless I got it wrong and it's the next, but fear not. I'm posting another one. Yes, more work for you Editor and/or Pisces. I want my reward now.)

How to Create a Good Fullmetal Alchemist Story, Chapter Two - Character

Creating a character is usually the funnest part of writing a story for me. What will they look like? What is their personality? What are they good at? I love answering these questions and coming up with the most original and eccentric characters. However, I also have to be realistic with these characters of mine. Sure, you can make them super gifted at alchemy and have a great figure, but what would be the point?


Good and believable characters come with faults. You can make your character pretty and good at alchemy, but they need something equally bad to keep them realistic. Maybe they have to work really hard on their appearance and are extremely self-conscious. Maybe they are evil and greedy and use their looks to get whatever they want.


Look at real people. Everyone has major faults. I look at myself and see that even though I am pretty good in class, but I always have to have the last word and my voice is extremely irritating.


Faults are real. This is why some stories are ignored. People fail to make faults in their characters. These are otherwise known as Mary-Sues: They are so unbelievably perfect and beautiful that the readers just cannot connect with them.


I shall use an example from one of my former characters. Originally, I gave her a Japanese name and purple hair. She was really smart and gifted, and Ed was in love with her. She died in order to get to the other side of a gate. She also had cat ears and a tail.


Already, I see multiple problems with this character. First of all, Japanese names are not needed. Remember, in the FMA world that most names are German or English, with the exception of 'Xing', where names are Chinese. Give your character a name like 'Elizabeth' or 'Jessie'. Also, don't name your character after an object. It makes your character sound unoriginal.


If your character is an alchemist, then don't give them a ridiculous name like 'The Sparkle Alchemist'. It makes them sound like a pansy. Think about their abilities, but don't make it so obvious that it's annoying.


How old are they exactly? Well, you can't stick them in the military any younger than sixteen. They would have to have a purpose for being there too. They can't have a simple excuse like "I thought it would be fun". The military is strict, and no place for little children. Basically, if they are in the military, they have to be an adult (i.e. over eighteen).


Your character's appearance also matters. Purple hair is not a believable colour. Even if they dyed it, they will not get around easily. Make it a basic colour like blonde or brown; a normal colour.


Also, don't make them look like any of the characters. Don't make them shorter than Edward unless they're younger. Be creative. Maybe they are taller than him, and annoy him about his height. But keep in mind that they have to have a few faults in their appearance too. Maybe they have squinty eyes or they have hips too wide and they hit them against stuff often.


Now, as we all know, FMA has chimeras. These chimeras have different appearances but there is one thing you must keep in mind: They don't have just ears and a tail. Greed's chimeras look almost completely human with only a few physical characteristics of their animal (ie. cat eyes). They also have only a few abilities of their animal (e.g. they have good agility and always land on their feet.) but they also have faults (e.g. they love raw fish and hate dogs.). Then there is the other kind of chimera which Nina turned into. You have to think of these things before you create a chimera character.


Then comes the major part of creating a character: Ed being in love with your character. It is not believable at all. Edward Elric is in love with Winry. He wouldn't just ditch her like that. It is completely out of his character and thus ruins the story. He is in love with Winry and no character you created. You have to keep this in mind no matter what otherwise the whole story goes in turmoil. With all this information in mind, I created a whole new character. Below is the new information on her.


Name: Alice Barker
Age: 19
Personality: She is always out for the best bargain and extremely greedy. She is impulsive and has a foul temper. Despite this, she is always out there for her friends even though it is usually at the wrong moment. She appears dense but she does think things through before she does them. Mostly.
Appearance: Hair- It's to her mid back and usually tied in a plait. It is auburn.
Eyes: Dark blue.
Build: She has a muscular build and her skin is tanned.
Outfit: She usually wears clothes suited for desert weather which is pretty useless in cold weather.She is always wearing a fedora.


With this I create a good character but she stands out among other OCs. Next I just have to create a good plot and history to fit her into.


Any more suggestions you have will be greatly appreciated! Please send them in.

(Note from The Editor: Um... Anyone else thoroughly confused? Firstly, what's FMA? Next, a Chimera is not a human, at least, not in popular mythology. Chimeras in mythology are weird beasts. Here's a picture.

See - not human.

That is all.)